


Found and Lost

by SilenceoftheSolitude



Series: Finding Closure [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s08e18 Threads, Family, Gen, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenceoftheSolitude/pseuds/SilenceoftheSolitude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had not grown fond of military types, but since the day he had started talking to his father and Sam again, he had learned that the ones he had always classed as ‘military types’ existed even outside the military – they were generally referred to as ‘jerks’, and had nothing to do with his mother’s death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Found and Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Second in the series 'Finding Closure', set post 'Threads'.
> 
> Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringment intended.

He felt a nauseous sense of déjà vu as a pool of people in dress blue entered his vision. Only this time the amount of blue was truly overwhelming. He struggled to find someone else that, just like him, was wearing a dark suit. He had not grown fond of military types, but since the day he had started talking to his father and Sam again, he had learned that the ones he had always classed as ‘military types’ existed even outside the military – they were generally referred to as ‘jerks’, and had nothing to do with his mother’s death. Just like his father hadn’t. That much knowledge he had acquired entirely out of love for his children whom he hadn’t had the courage to deny of ‘Grandpa Jake’ and a genius ‘Aunty Sam’. He was thankful to them for he had learned to listen and not to deny himself the love of two of the most important people in his life.

Losing his father now was painful – it hurt like hell – but he found relief in knowing he had no regrets. He’d rather hurt because of a sense of loss than don’t feel anything at all. At least, now, he had six years of visits to recollect. Six years in which he had seen his kids smile and had smiled himself in return. And, of course, there was Sam. She had come back to him and he knew their mother had been happy for them up there in heaven.

He saw the hurt in her eyes, though her face looked like a marble sculpture, and noticed the distinct lack of Pete by her side as well as the absence of an engagement ring on her finger. He had received a call after the one about dad. He hadn’t asked. Seeing her now he realized he had done the right thing – her pained features had nothing to do with his absence and everything to do with dad’s. He had wanted to hug her when he had seen her, but had decided against it seen as she was in uniform. Instead, he had slipped his hand in hers, and the look they had exchanged in that moment had been proof enough that they still had a silent understanding – the same thing that had got them to keep on moving after their mother had died.

There were two front row benches, one was occupied by Mark’s family, and the other by what appeared to be Sam’s. She stood closer to her brother; only the corridor in the middle of the church separated them. On her right stood a rather handsome man, brown short hairs and blue eyes with a pair of glasses and an attitude that resembled that of a brother. He was one of the few people in a black suit. Next to him was a man of impressive bulk in a rather strange outfit that was probably appropriate for a funeral in his culture, Mark was open-minded enough to fell honored rather than puzzled by that. Closing the line, in the shadow of the black man, was a one-star general and, despite the fact that he held a very composed stance, his eyes looked like those of a man who had lost his own father. Mark knew, because that’s how he had looked in the mirror when Sam had breached him the news.

He didn’t know much about them, but he knew that his father trusted each and every one of them with Sam’s life. It didn’t matter that Daniel was an archaeologist; that Teal’c belonged to some strange tribe; or that Jack was no longer on Sam’s team – according to what he had been told. All that mattered was that he did, even when her job was supposedly a geek-job. He had stopped believing that the day he had seen a picture of Teal’c, not to mention the many emergencies that had made it impossible for Sam to come visit... ‘deep space radar telemetry’ didn’t seem to be something emergency-worthy. He’d had a mind of calling the Air Force to tell them that their cover story could use some work, needless to say he had decided to let it slide. He could only hope that one day a phone call wouldn’t be the harvester of a bad news regarding his sister and how she had given her life to save the country.

There was a part of her life he would never understand, the same way he had never understood his father’s, but he had come to realize that that same part of her life had shaped her into who she was today. And the respect he saw in other people’s eyes as they watched her made him proud. Ultimately what he came to realize was that despite her job required her to be a soldier, she could suffer like a woman underneath; it meant that he wouldn’t have to worry about her becoming and automaton.

The first man to stand on the podium and talk about his father was an elderly bold general. He talked well; Mark had to give him that. And apparently he and his father had known each other for a lot of years, enough that he would know some stories about Mark and Sam’s childhood. He drew a rather heroic picture of Jacob, and Mark noticed that his two teenager kids took a great deal of pride in that. They had probably never seen him as a hero, he had been their grandpa, and that had been it. The new insight in his father’s life managed to be surprising even to him.

Sam had asked him if he wanted to say some words at the funeral, but he had told her that his son had something he wanted to read, and he thought it would be enough. David had turned into a bookworm, not that Mark minded, he was actually pretty proud of his son’s interest for books and the fact that he was the one to request he could read. He held his shoulder as he trembled a bit, Mark knew he had never read anything in front of a crowd of people he didn’t know and could relate to his being tense.

The words were spoken in a wavering voice, David was trying to hold back his emotions, but he was thirteen, it wasn’t all that easy. He had chosen words from one of the books Jacob had given him, they were fitting. They talked about sacrifice and love, the former Jacob had been way too used to and the latter he had tried to give to the ones he cared about as best as he could, even with his hardcore façade. When he stepped down the little podium he headed for Sam and smiled apologetically her way, like he was sorry for what he had just done. She softly put her hand on his shoulder and let him head back to his place next to Mark.

Next up with a eulogy was General Jack O’Neill. He was composed and grave in his stance, the picture of an exemplary Air Force officer. The first sign of his ‘oddity’ surfaced immediately – he was fidgeting with his cover. “As most of you know I’m not very good with words… and _things_ happen when I try to talk too much,” apparently it was some sort of inner joke, because people started smiling, some even coughed attempting to stiffen their chuckles, probably more out of respect for the circumstances than out of respect for him. Mark saw that a couple of glares from the General were enough to quell the growing mirth. “Daniel offered to help, and I took it into serious consideration, but I didn’t quite think the two of us working on this speech together was a good idea.” More than anything else, that looked like an excuse to Sam, as Mark noticed the exchange of looks between the pair.

He stared up at everyone and took a deep breath as if preparing himself to read from a written speech. Only there was not a single sheet of paper in his hands. “In the years I’ve known Jacob Carter I’ve come to recognize that he had many sides to himself and, hearing his grandchild talk I kinda realized I missed on some parts of who he was. So I’ll go with what I knew of him and hope to do him at least a bit of justice. Jacob was an Air Force officer, and a pretty fine one for that matter. Just like anybody in our line of work he loved flying, and having seen him in action I can tell you folks he was a natural, he had a smooth way of flying through pretty dangerous situations, but mostly I think what got him through the bad situations was his way of reaching out to people. He always seemed to be able to get what it was that people needed to hear, what was in their heart. He talked me out of some nasty situations...”

As if sensing he was saying more than he was allowed to, he stopped the praise and ventured to safer topics. “When I first met him I thought he was a bit too stiff for his own good, but I didn’t really get to talk to him much and I found out he was sick afterwards… so that might have had something to do with it, because I swear I’ve never met anyone who could endure me like he did. Well, maybe Carter… so it must be something in the genes.” Mark noticed how he didn’t stop the chuckles and had probably made the last comment just to elate them.

As silence reigned once again he noticed how Jack’s face had resumed its earlier stiffness, “I am, however, very glad to say that what I got to see most of the times was his most amazing side. I got to see him as a father. He wasn’t without fault, but he did his best; the way he tried to always find some time to spend with Carter, and the way he would hold her when they met after a long time was refreshing to anyone around. And I think that kinda says it all…” his eyes shifted between Sam and Mark, dancing wildly. “Dad was proud of you, no matter how hard he made it for you to see it.” That this man got to call Jacob Carter ‘dad’ was more than surprising to Mark. There was more under his looks than he could have dared to guess upon first sight.

The rest of the service went on in a blur as Mark focused on the last words spoken by the General. Somehow they managed to sting. When he realized that the service had ended, he moved to lift the empty coffin to shoulder it outside towards the car that would bring it to the cemetery. He disregarded the light weight of the wooden coffin and focused on the other men that approached to help him in the duty. He wasn’t surprised to find Daniel and Teal’c there, nor two other men in their dress blues, but he would have thought that a general of the USAF would have entrusted such a duty to an airman, one of the many that were watching from their spots as they walked down the aisle.

There were many things that had befuddled Mark about those three men. Yet, somehow, in their presence, he felt a sense of reassurance, especially when he observed their behaviors around Sam. He was sure she still had a special relationship with his sister; nobody would understand some of the things they shared, but they shared something too. And despite not feeling threatened by it, Mark realized he would probably never fully understand what _that_ was exactly; what it was that made her drop her guard whenever one of them looked in her direction, even when it didn’t last that long for anyone to really notice aside, maybe, Mark who had seen her drop her guard before and recognized the barest shift in her posture.

Once the coffin had been positioned in the boot of the car, he turned around and joined his sister down the stairs of the church to receive the unending round of unfamiliar people presenting them with their condolences. Sam seemed to have a name and a smile for everyone and he couldn’t help but feeling yet another déjà vu. Only this time his sister wasn’t holding his hand, she was doing what had been her father’s job at their mother’s funeral. She was putting up a hell of a good act, making people believe that their presence was really helping her pull through the whole thing.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t appreciative; it was nice to know that all those people were appreciative of his father’s dedication to the job, that they respected him, or even liked him, maybe; but the fact was that for those who truly loved him, this moment was hard to endure. Right there, surrounded by a crowd of people, it was impossible to just forget what happened for a minute, to hope that maybe it was all just a dream, that you weren’t going to wake up in a heap of sweat and be a phone call away from your father.

A girl was gifted with a tight embrace and he believed it took all of Sam’s strength not to shed at least a tear while holding her. Cassandra. Sam had told him about her, he knew how much his sister cared about the young woman. She was like a daughter to her enough than when her mother had died, Sam had asked Mark’s wife for some advice on how to deal with Cassie. Mark didn’t want to think how hard it was being for the girl to be there. Had anyone asked him to attend a funeral roughly one year after his mother’s death, he would have probably retreated to his room to cry his life out.

As people crowded in little groups talking to each other he saw her slip away, and knew exactly where she was heading. He didn’t want to blow her retreat so he made everything in his power to stall everyone else with the few words he could come up with.

He planned to follow her as soon as people started moving away, he had already told his wife to take the kids to Sam’s place, saying he needed a bit of time with his sister alone, but before he could make his escape he was cornered by the General. He looked slightly embarrassed, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you may know where I could find Carter… your sister.”

Mark considered lying, but something inside him told him to do otherwise. He would get the whole trip to the cemetery to sit silently with her, and maybe they could come back for their last goodbye later. Right now, however, he felt like the one thing she needed, was time alone with him. So he let her. He tilted his head slightly in the direction of the church behind him.


End file.
